RICE STRIKES MISSILE DEAL WITH POLAND
WARSAW, Poland (TxNews)- The United States and Polish governments signed an agreement allowing US missiles to be housed in Poland, making the Russians incredibly pissed off.U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and Polish Foreign Minister Radek Sikorski both pumped their fists and "whooped" several times after signing the treaty. Rice and Sikorski winked and elbow jabbed each other as they told the press that the missiles would only be used "... for defense. Yeah. That's it."The deal calls for the US to supply roughly 100 ballistic missiles and the Polish would supply the 10,000 infantrymen needed to carry them to their intended targets. Additionally, Poland has promised it will ship several bus loads of young teenage girls to West Texas.In Official statement released by the Kremlin's Soviet Press Secretary, Ivan Toczerkov, Russian President Dmitry Medvedev said," Whatever."Calls placed to 'Shamu' still have not been returned.
PHELPS UPS BID FOR WORLD DOMINATION
SAN ANTONIO(TxNews)- U.S. Olympic swimming champion, Michael Phelps, announced on Tuesday, he wants to race 'Shamu' to decide once and for all who is the fastest swimming mammal on Earth.
"Breaking world records is great. But, I'm ready for some REAL competition!" said the 23 year old man-porpoise.
Phelps won eight Olympic gold medals for swimming at the 2008 Olympic games in Beijing. He currently holds 4 world records and is tied with U.S. Olympic swimming champion Mark Spitz for most medals won in a single games competition.
'Shamu' was unavailable for comment. Calls to Sea World San Antonio, a subsidiary of Anheiser-Busch, were not immediately returned.
"I'm gonna spank me some whale ass," said Phelps confidently.
The date and venue have yet to be set.
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