Office Supplies are a Steal For Some

The bible reads, “Thou shalt not steal.”

The Qur'an reads, “As to the thief (man or woman) let their hands be cut off, retaliation for what they did, a punishment from Allah.”

The sign at Jerry’s Meat Emporium reads, “Steal from me, and I’ll _____ your sister.”

Stealing is understood, by just about every culture on the planet, as the wrong thing to do. There are harsh sentences for those who steal. In some cases, States have allowed citizens to use deadly force to keep their possessions from being taken. Alarm companies make millions of dollars annually by giving people the peace of mind that someone cares about their stuff getting stolen. Stealing is a great way to make people feel badly.

I think there needs to be an asterisk place at the end of the above statements. “Thou shalt not steal” should include the caveat: does not apply to office supplies.

Webster’s defines stealing as, “to take the property of another wrongfully…” The Texas Penal Code defines theft as “…unlawfully appropriates property with intent to deprive the owner of property.” However, when it comes to office supplies, our attitudes shy away from this definition. If you steal your neighbor’s lawnmower you’re a thief. If you steal your neighbor’s pen, then you’re still a neighbor.

Stealing office supplies is a lot like cheating on a diet: everyone does it, yet no-one wants to talk about it or admit it. I don’t think people place a whole lot of value in office supplies. Regardless, they must be worth something. Otherwise, Staples and Office Depot loss prevention officers wouldn’t tackle you and beat you senseless for trying to purloin Post-It notes.

Try calling the police to make a report about a stolen paperclip and you’ll find yourself being the comedic relief at the next Christmas banquet.

Pens are like the Chevy Silverado of the office supply world. They are getting “jacked” all of the time. You can tell if a place has a high pen theft rate by the type of object used to keep the pen on the premises. I once used a pen in a gas station that was cable locked to a cinder block. That wasn’t nearly as bad as the transmission “pumpkin” that was attached to the bathroom key!
Still, it would be tough to get a jury of twelve people to send someone to jail for this.
Are there any real consequences for stealing office supplies?
Who knows?

But, I’m sure there is a small section in Hell reserved especially for those with no hands and a stapler in their pocket.

Writer's Blockade Closes Harbor of Ideas

Could this be writer's block?  

I’ve heard of it before, but I didn’t think it could happen to me. Let’s see. What are the symptoms.

Uninspired? Check.

Lack of creativity? Check.

Do I feel like my brain is constipated? Yep.

Wow. I think I have writer’s block. That’s not good though. A very bad case of writer’s block is what caused the character Jack Torrence to go “off his rocker” in The Shining.

How did it happen? I don’t think I hit my head on anything and I certainly don’t remember getting killed. Maybe this is what happens to people when they start writing and getting lots of creative juices flowing. Eventually, your muse takes a vacation and leaves you stranded like a jilted bride.

Actually, I have been doing lots of writing. My police reports are always keeping me busy. However, there is very little room for creativity. I try to make them somewhat enjoyable to read whenever I have room to flex my creative muscles. I have to be careful NOT to inject too much humor. Otherwise, I may seem flippant.

 “My investigation has determined the horse wandered into the roadway where it was struck by a large delivery truck. The blood and guts strewn on the roadway made a nice maple leaf pattern that reminded me of Winnipeg. Ironically, the truck was hauling glue.”

See?

 I’ve done some writing for school too. Essays and analytical type stuff. I think my professor appreciates the humor I inject into my writing. One of the downsides to being a college professor has to be the new batch of terrible writing that is generated for class. It’s like an unending harvest of dreck. The subject matter can be a bit dry when writing about such things as leadership principles. When asked for a term paper, “What makes a good leader?” I wrote of the importance of knowing when to say, “Yes, dear.” Also remembering to leave the toilet seat down is a key component of effective leadership.

I guess the only way out of writer’s block is to just start writing. If the ideas are there they will penetrate the membrane and release themselves. It’s a matter of taking the time to sit down and start hammering out words. Ah, that feels much better. J