Whine made from fresh gropes
Posted: Tuesday, November 30, 2010 11:33 am | Updated: 9:15 am, Wed Dec 1, 2010.
It seems the war on terror is going to some very dark places. In fact, it’s going to places where the sun doesn’t shine.
The Transportation Security Administration (TSA), our country’s first line of defense against the “farces of evil,” has recently implemented invasive pat-downs and “see-thru” scanners to fight the global war on privacy.
If they happen to thwart terrorism, then that’s a bonus.
These new scanners penetrate clothing in order to allow highly trained voyeurs to determine if sneaky passengers are trying to smuggle foil-wrapped cucumbers onto the plane. Basically, these machines are doing what teenage boys have been doing for centuries.
For people who wish to “opt out” of being bombarded by carcinogenic X-rays, there’s the tactile technique, which is a blend of creepy touching and perverse petting.
The new procedures have only been in place for a couple of weeks and already the horror stories are hitting the Internet. One news website reported that a passenger named Thomas Sawyer had his colostomy bag broken by one of these crazy pat-downs.
I guess the TSA is very serious about not allowing liquids in carry-ons.
In Providence, Rhode Island, Channel 10 News interviewed a a breast cancer survivor who said the TSA screener was moving her prosthetic breast all over the place.
These searches, with new and improved invasiveness, wouldn’t have been implemented without first being tried by the politicians who support it. Right? Well, not exactly. Hillary Clinton admitted on Face the Nation that she wouldn’t be screened if she could “avoid it.”
I wonder if Bill would have a go.
If you recall, from my fourth String Cheese article (April 2008), I gave my reasons for hating to fly. Sadly, I look like a terrorist sometimes when I wear a turban at the airport. I get an extra level of screening because I look like a Hispanic Arab. Personally, I want the pat-down. It makes me feel like I’m back in Saigon.
Too bad I’ve never been to Saigon.
With all of the fun the TSA is having, I can’t understand why they can’t fill screener positions? I saw a recruitment poster that read they were “...looking for a few good hands.”
Although, I’m very happy with my present employment as a part time ne’er-do-well, a career as a “passenger handler” sounds very lucrative and a great addition to my resumé. Especially since Al-Quida announced they were going to start smuggling weapons of mass destruction in the bras of Norwegian supermodels.
The more I think about it, the more Greyhound sounds preferable. At least at a bus station, one expects some creep to put their hands on you.
At least were moving “forward” in the war on terror. However, winning the war on common sense seems hopeless.
