Time is right for monkeying around
By ARYN CORLEY
The world is on the brink of collapse.Our economy is shaky. Crime is on the rise.
North Korea and Iran are playing with “nuke-ular” bombs.
Global pandemics are poised to kill millions of people.
Dancing with the Stars is a hit.
Who is going to save humanity from utter destruction?
Enter: the Sea Monkeys.
Is there some wisdom that we can learn from these tiny creatures? Maybe they can teach us something about the world we live in.
Mankind’s only hope may rest with the tiny, wacky-good fun loving little brine shrimp known as Artemia NYOS (New York Ocean Science laboratory). As a kid, I would see the advertisements for Sea Monkeys in comic books, kid magazines, or at truck stop bathrooms. The ads depicted the whole Sea Monkey family: Dad, Mom, Junior, Lil’ Sis, and pet smiling and waiting for legions of kids to release them from cryostasis.
Sea Monkeys seem like very happy little creatures. Why not? They don’t have to worry about holding down a job, social acceptance, or personal hygiene. They really don’t have to worry about much of anything.
When one’s daily schedule involves only swimming and mating, there leaves very little room to be depressed. As an added bonus, female Sea Monkeys can self-fertilize their own eggs by a process called parthenogenesis.
What female Sea Monkeys fail to realize is that without male Sea Monkeys, they’ll never be able to open jars.
Sea Monkeys aren’t known for aberrant behavior in any way. I combed through several thousand pages of court documents looking for any occasion where a Sea Monkey, or perhaps a gang of them, has run afoul of the law. Nothing.
As far as I know, no Sea Monkey has ever been called into military service either. I wonder if they know about the Montgomery G.I. Bill?
Growing the little buggers is apparently pretty easy. So easy in fact, you’d have to be a humor columnist to mess it up. It’s much like making a bowl of macaroni and cheese. Just add water. Although, I wouldn’t advise boiling them.
However, they might taste really good when heaped with mounds of cheddar. After all, Sea Monkeys are shrimp. But, because of their size, it would take several hundred thousand of them to make a decent fettuccine.
The Official Sea Monkey website (www.sea-monkey.com) has everything that any Sea Monkey enthusiast needs to get started. It’s important to use the right stuff if you decide you’re going to grow Sea Monkeys. Maybe when my kids get a little older we’ll try to grow some Sea Monkeys and add a tad bit more happiness to the world.
Although, I do have a fond memory of my own about the whole Sea Monkey experience.
I got some as a gift one time back in the late 70’s. The tank got cracked during shipping so I had the bright idea of using a Mason jar. I added the water and the “Instant Life” packet, set the jar on the counter, then went outside. I came back to find my mother hand drying the makeshift Sea Monkey realm.
“What happened to my Sea Monkeys?”
“Is that what all that crud was in here? Don’t use my jars,” mom said disapprovingly.
My poor Sea Monkeys were given death by the woman who gave me life. My Sea Monkeys taught me about something very important that exists in this world.
Irony.
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